Platform:PS4, Xbox One, PC
Developer: Volition Studios
Available: Now
Price: $39.99
STEELPORT A GO-GO
What’s more fun than whacking thugs over the head with dildos? Whacking thugs over the head with dildos while being on fire and nude! Saint’s Row The Third finally makes it’s debut on Eighth-Generation consoles with a new facelift and all previously released downloadable content included. After the moribund bore that was Saint’s Row 4, the timing couldn’t be better.
OUTSTANDING OUTCOMES
Saint’s Row originally debuted on the first Xbox console as a rival-of-sorts to Grand Theft Auto. Long story short, Grand Theft Auto went onto to become the zeitgeist of it’s era(as well as analogous to it’s respective genres), and Saint’s Row was fairly mediocre. Fast Forward to Saint’s Row 2 and the boys at Rockstar Games arguably had a rival. That game took Open World games to new heights, but it lacked brand appeal. GTA 4 was an absolute behemoth selling well over eighteen million copies. However, the gulf in quality was apparent; Saint’s Row 2 was the better game.
Saint’s Row The Third continues in the footsteps of it’s predecessor, dialing the craziness factor up to 11. You’ll find no shortage of over-the-top activities and missions to do, and the player is constantly rewarded every step of the way. The progress and positive feedback loop here is insane; it’s like digital crack for the price of two pizzas.
SAINT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS IF I DO
Whilst not without it’s flaws, Saint’s Row The Third is remarkable in it’s irreverance. Indomitable to a fault, the juvenile nature of the gameplay never phased me. It actually drew me in. Just when you think that the game can’t outdo itself, it proves you wrong.
The main missions are fairly linear, but the transition from point-to-point is not. Ladies and Gents, this is an Open World Game. Want to change your gender whilst the police riddle your car with gunfire mid mission? Done. Want to change cars but too lazy to go look for one? Done. Want to surf on people’s backs? Done. Want to start twerking for no reason? Done? Want to punch people in the %$#? Done. Done done done done. Seriously, this game has just about every depraved, shameful act you could partake in. Not only that, but you’re rewarded for being an @#$.
FLEUR AND FLOW
Saint’s Row The Third takes place in Steelport; a bustling Metropolis where the underbelly burns brighter and hotter than a thousand suns. Well, that’s what the cool kids tell me anyway. The story is centered around several different gangs locked in a tragic and bloody power struggle. Between the police, whack 90’s hacker snobs and Luchadores, I found it hard to take seriously. It isn’t offensively bad or anything, but I mostly skipped the cutscenes.
The game also features a cooperative mode for two players. Sadly, split screen support is missing, as is competitive multiplayer from Saint’s Row 2. It does sting a bit, but what’s here is still overall FAN-#$%@INGTASTIC.
FINAL THOUGHTS/COMMENTS
When I was a kid, I used to eat X brand cereal. Other Pixel Warriors used to laugh at me, but I didn’t care after a while. While everyone enjoyed their Coco Puffs and AppleJacks, I was fine with Fruit Wheels in the black box. Even when I was able to afford the name brands, I still gravitated towards the knockoffs(shout out to Malt O Meal). Basically, have you ever like the clone more than the original? Saint’s Row The Third is my Fruit Wheels. Just with more blood, cursing and explosions.
I can’t recommend this game enough. The fun factor is through the roof, the production values are solid, and there’s co-op(and literally everything is better with co-op). Have you guys ever like the clones better than the original? Let me know in the comments below! Peace.
Purveyors Of Pixels 